Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
