I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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