You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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