There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
