I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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