Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just want to make out with him forever
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
