that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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