At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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