I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
