Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
