I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Life is so much better after having sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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