youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
