I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
