I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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