you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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