I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
