My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's the barista slut.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
True college students do jello shots in the library
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
