That's when you crack a 10am beer
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
