Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
