Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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