he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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