Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
