The maid of honor just puked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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