i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
being pregnant is like rehab
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
