I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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