Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
