I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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