They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
