My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
