I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The air was thick with penises
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
