I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
