meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
