erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
