its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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