I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
