Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
