I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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