Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
