What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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