I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
