I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
