FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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