Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
wow bdsm is so cute
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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