his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
