it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
