she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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