her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
