I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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