someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
