ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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