there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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